my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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