We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
