This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
