Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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