walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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