he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
