absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
