i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize