If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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