What a fucking waste of an outfit
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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