I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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