birth control should be required to get into college
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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