I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
