maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if only i could text you this smell
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Swine flu is the new snow day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
