Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
