C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
