You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
