Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
