the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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