hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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