o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
