She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges