omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'