you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions