and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"