20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize