So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
