Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
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She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.