woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME