Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?