I was born with a shot glass in my hand
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we're so committed to being not committed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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