If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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