I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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