walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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