i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
