Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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