Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
