maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
