Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize