No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
