Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
