It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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