Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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