He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
