I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think i have two assholes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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