batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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