Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
