Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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