I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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