Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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