Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
