Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
