Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
