I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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