Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
