I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
