My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
