Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
