He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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