Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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