I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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