I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
