just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
