Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
