"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
