is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
